The Buffalo Ruse Reports…
In the past week’s Buffalo Ruse:
Bass Pro to City: “What the Hell Did You Do?”
City “totally forgot” retailers request to leave Memorial Auditorium standing.
By Hardy Astrom
Bass Pro and City of Buffalo officials were equally stunned on Friday when Bass Pro construction crews arrived at 140 Main Street with blueprints in-hand, ready to renovate Buffalo’s beloved Memorial Auditorium. They came expecting a hero’s welcome. Instead, they were greeted with a scene of mass destruction.
In what Mayor Brown’s office is calling a “minor oversight with somewhat larger implications,” the City approved the demolition of the Aud, even though Bass Pro had full intentions of using the beloved structure as a home for their retail outlet.
Rocco Distillo, a spokesman for Bass Pro, was dumbfounded. “The last conversation we had with the Mayor’s office was to confirm a start date on the re-do,” said Distillo. “Today’s the day, our crew is here to work. But it looks like the City hired Al-Qaeda to do this job instead.”
“We just don’t have anything in common anymore”
Hardy Astrom
In a move that only some would find surprising, two thriving areas within city limits have asked to leave. Citing differences in, “economic trends, urban planning, political philosophy, and opinion”, Elmwood Village and Hertel Avenue (between Delaware and Parkside) filed to withdraw from the City of Buffalo. Kathleen Stiffler, spokeswoman for ‘Elmwoodtopia’, explained why the group she represents would like to move on.
“It’s not that we think we’re better than the city of Buffalo. We believe in Buffalo and its potential, and we are grateful for its rich history. We just think the City of Buffalo is less good than we are in several key areas.”
According to research presented by Stiffler, those key areas include economic viability, cultural depth, social outreach, cleanliness, racial tolerance, the coffee experience, commercial diversity, small business development, religious harmony, summer babe hotness, and “everything else”.
