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Steam Donkeys Call for Cold Weather Fun

Baby, it's cold outside.

Baby, it’s cold outside.

As Americans across the northeast continue to thaw from the polar vortex which brought Mars-like temperatures to some areas, Buffalo-based musical act and global think tank the Steam Donkeys are urging the shivering masses to engage in more fun activities—like going to the Sportsmen’s Tavern Music Hall tomorrow, Saturday (1/18) at 8:30pm. The evening will feature a special guest performance by Jamestown, NY, Americana-roots band the Bogarts, followed by the Steam Donkeys at 10:30pm.

“The concept of getting together to celebrate in bitterly cold conditions can be traced back to the winter of 1846, when a group of pioneers—snowbound in the Sierra Nevada mountains—hunkered down to enjoy one another’s company,” says Steam Donkeys front man and spokesperson Buck Quigley. “Our research has found that these early revelers called their get-together the Donner Party.”

“Quigley’s complete ignorance of the history of the American west is breathtaking,” said one dean of Capistrano University, an online school with offices in Delaware and Saint Kitts, under condition of anonymity. “The Donner Party is the term used when referring to one of the most gruesome tales of death and survival in the entire American pioneer experience. These poor souls were reduced to cannibalism to survive. Half of them died!”

Quigley brushes off the criticism. “Clearly, this ‘dean’ does not know what the word ‘party’ means. It would have taken a truly sick person to call the events he describes a ‘party,’ but then, I guess that’s why he’s the dean of an online university.”

As a think tank, the Steam Donkeys frequently weigh in on issues ranging from honky tonk music to delicious bar food, cold beer, and adult beverages in a nearly wholesome atmosphere of comradery. 

“When it’s cold out, your best bet is to pull on your cowboy boots and head off into the elements on your way to a warm venue where there will be great country music,” Quigley adds. “The immortal Hank Williams knew that, even up until his dying day.” 


  • rhmaccallum

    Wow. What is basically a commercial advertisement disguised as a print article.

    • David Staba

      Harrumph. You should demand your money back.