Steam Donkeys Celebrate Winter Solstice
by Buck Quigley - posted 1:01 pm, December 20, 2013
As the rest of the country swirls further into the sink hole of unbridled consumerism in celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ (Born: Christmas, 0000-Died: Good Friday, 0033-Risen: Easter, 0033), the Steam Donkeys—a Buffalo, NY-based music act and global think tank—are calling for the observance of some real, old-time religion this Saturday (12/21) at the Sportsmen’s Tavern. The event coincides with the winter solstice. At right, some new age Druids are shown kicking it old school at Stonehenge.
“Isn’t it ironic that we celebrate the birth of Jesus by spending lavishly on gifts for one another,” asks Steam Donkeys front man and spokesperson Buck Quigley, “when by all accounts the adult Jesus shunned the material world and ultimately sealed his own fate by toppling the tables of the money changers in the temple?”
“If the Magi only knew what they were starting when they traveled to the nativity with their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, they may instead have opted to view the star of Bethlehem from a distance and send a nice card via camel post,” Quigley adds.
“That sounds like blasphemy, pure and simple,” said one irritable shopper, sporting a WWJD? t-shirt. “I prayed this morning that I would find a good parking spot at the mall. When I arrived, I squeezed my SUV into the last handicapped space available. God helps the faithful.”
When the able-bodied hockey mom was asked if she felt guilty about taking a spot reserved for a driver with a disability, she said no. “If everyone believed as strongly as I do, there would be no people with handicaps because the blood of Christ would make them whole.”
“This is what I’m talking about,” says Quigley. “It’s a fine line between being one of the faithful and being a total psychotic.”
In an effort to create a more mellow and peaceful vibe, the Steam Donkeys have enlisted the Grateful Dans to open the show, performing a bunch of songs by the—you guessed it—Grateful Dead.
The Grateful Dans take the stage at 8:30pm, followed by the Steam Donkeys at 10:30pm.
“Of course, we’ll be sneaking in some originals about Jesus and Christmas, as well as some Elvis Presley Christmas tunes,” says Quigley, “and we may even bring some rare, out-of-print CDs to sell as stocking stuffers because we’re not all Scrooge-like about the holiday and we are, when it comes right down to it, too much of this earth.”
“Besides,” he asks, “what would Christmas be without a donkey?”