It’s Be Kind to Lawyers Day!
by Buck Quigley - posted 1:55 pm, April 9, 2013
Today is International Be Kind to Lawyers Day. Let’s all take a moment to quietly thank all the attorneys, barristers, counselors, jurists, solicitors, ambulance chasers, and members of the bar who make life in our litigious society possible.
OK, here are some lawyer jokes:
Question: Why don’t sharks bite attorneys?
Answer: Professional courtesy.
Question: What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school?
Answer: An offer you can’t understand.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
It was so cold last week that I saw several attorneys with their hands in their own pockets.
The reason that there is a penalty for laughing in court is that otherwise the jury would never be able to hear the evidence.
Question: How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Answer: “Good morning, your honor.”
Question: How was copper wire invented?
Answer: Two lawyers arguing over a penny.
Lawyer: someone who makes sure that he gets what’s coming to you.
Question: What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
Answer: A leech will drop off when its victim dies.
A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, “Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way. In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense.”
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.
Question: How many lawyer jokes are there?
Answer: Only three. The balance are documented case histories.
Question: What’s wrong with Lawyer jokes?
Answer: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.