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Donald Trump Releases Forged “Birth Certificate”

Several months ago, billionaire lunatic and horrible person Donald J. Trump tried to influence the presidential election by hyping a “big announcement” only to have no announcement at all – except that he’d give $5 million to a charity if the President released his grades from schools he attended. 

During an appearance on the allegedly comedic “Tonight Show with Jay Leno”, comedian Bill Maher jokingly challenged Trump to release his birth certificate to prove he wasn’t the “spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.” Trump, naturally, took this semi-seriously; I fully expect there to be litigation over this, and Trump will lose. 

According to Yahoo.com, this is what Trump’s people sent to Maher: 

January 8, 2013

Mr. Bill Maher

Real Time with Bill Maher
CBS Studios
7800 Beverly Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90036

Dear Mr. Maher:

I represent Mr. Donald J. Trump.  I write on his behalf to accept your offer (made during the Jay Leno Show on January 7, 2013) that Mr. Trump prove he is not the “spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.”

Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump’s birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, not an orangutan. Please remit the $5 million to Mr. Trump immediately and he will ensure that the money be donated to the following five charities in equal amounts: Hurricane Sandy Victims, The Police Athletic League, The American Cancer Society, The March of Dimes, and The Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.

Regards,

Scott S. Balber

Astonishingly, however, this is the “birth certificate” that Trump’s lawyer attached: 

 

Clearly, this is a cheap forgery. First of all, it is not a birth certificate, but a certification of birth. There were no dot-matrix printers available to New York City bureaucrats in 1946, much less bar codes. This is a clear forgery and/or an obvious attempt to manufacture something that does not exist. Where is the long-form birth certificate?

Furthermore, this clear forgery merely purports to establish that the father’s name is “Fred”. Nowhere on that document is it noted whether “Fred” is homo sapiens or pongo pygmaeus.  

As an American and a patriot, I demand that Donald Trump release a long-form birth certificate, proving that “Fred Trump” was not an orangutan living in New York City in 1946.  Until that moment, this is irrefutable proof that Trump is not a natural-born toxic billionaire, but clearly a orangutan-man with wispy orange hair and a nasty disposition. 


  • preachy

    They had bar codes back in 1946?  Hoo gnu?

  • MaxPlanck

    I noticed it was issued by the NYC “Department of Health and Mental Hygiene.” I think the Department ought to be concerned about the mental hygiene of one of their charges.

    Also, I believe Fred Trump was the cousin of the popular J. Fred Muggs, who was a regular guest on the early days of NBC’s “Today Show with Dave Garroway.”