The Steam Donkeys Go Green
by Buck Quigley - posted 1:14 pm, November 9, 2012
This Sunday’s (11/11) weather forecast for Belmont, NY, calls for sun and a balmy warm breeze, with highs in the upper 60s. Southwest winds 10 to 15 mph becoming south. The unseasonably mild prediction coincides with a performance by Buffalo-based original music act and global think-tank, the Steam Donkeys, at Pollywogg Holler eco-resort. Live music from 1pm-6pm, with intermission to soak up good vibrations.
“I agree with scientists who tell us that climate change is real, that it’s the product of the accelerated use of fossil fuels by humans since the industrial revolution, and that the outlook is hopelessly dire for future generations who will brutally fight against one another in a desperate battle over dwindling amounts of fresh water,” says Buck Quigley—frontman and spokesperson for the group.
“And yes, I think we’re likely to see more heatwaves and drought as farmers curse the cracked, parched earth,” he continues, “even as sea levels continue to rise, threatening millions of lives in coastal areas around the globe—leading ultimately to widespread starvation, pestilence and death. That being said, it doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun along the way. So we’re urging everyone to come out to the beautiful woodlands of the southern tier of New York state, and join us for an afternoon of down-home music and warm revelry.”
Environmentalists are outraged. “As the spokesperson for an internationally recognized think-tank, I find Quigley’s remarks to be dangerously irresponsible,” said one activist, on the condition of anonymity. “There really isn’t any time to waste frittering away an afternoon standing around in the woods drinking homemade wine and enjoying gourmet pizza, as the tears of Mother Earth grow saltier by the day. Wouldn’t that free-time time be better spent turning the compost heap and re-purposing old plastic bottles into fashionable jewelry to sell on etsy?”
“I’m not urging anyone to neglect his or her compost heap,” Quigley retorts. “But let’s not forget that compost will be just fine on its own for one afternoon. And there’s no reason one couldn’t sit at a handcrafted picnic table at Pollywogg Holler with some tiny pliers and turn a two-liter of Mountain Dew(TM) into several sets of faux-emerald ear rings as you chat with nice, like-minded people.”
The show is likely the last one scheduled for the year at the increasingly popular rural getaway just two hours from Buffalo.
“They got like…solar stuff and everything down there—a geodesic dome, for crying out loud,” Quigley adds. “So yeah, we—as a species—may be heading for hell in a handbasket. Still, it’s up to us whether or not that handbasket is a designer knockoff produced by slave labor and shipped to us from a world away—or whether that handbasket is crafted using a stylish weave of old bicycle inner-tubes, hemp yarn, and soda can tabs.”
“The choice is ours,” he says.