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Steam Donkeys Unveil Plan to Raise Debt Ceiling

Washington insiders, as well as members of the local honky tonk community are calling pieces of a new plan to solve the US debt crisis “revolutionary.” The plan, put together by the Steam Donkeys—a Buffalo-based band and think tank—uses a concept as old as the public tavern to alleviate fears of an economic meltdown if Congress fails to raise the national debt ceiling by the August 2 deadline. The band will reveal the plan in its entirety at their 9:30pm performance Saturday night (7/16) at the Sportsmen’s Tavern.

“The concept of running a bar tab is widely known among barflies,” observes Buck Quigley, frontman of the group. “There are about 197 countries in the world. If you think of all these countries as individual drinking establishments, that makes a lot of places where we could—with the proper diplomacy—run a lot of tabs.”

What about places where we already have an extensive “tab”?

“Clearly, the United States is not going to go to the Peoples Republic of China and say, “Hey, Hu Jintao, if you’ll pour us 300,000 gin and tonics, we’ll get you back next week. No. It’s like anybody who has a bar tab but not enough money to pay it off. What do they do? They avoid that bar, and figure out where else they can go to get a drink.”

Economists say the plan won’t work. “I don’t know what to say,” said a former Nobel laureate in Economics, on condition of anonymity, “is this some kind of joke? It’s almost like these idiots don’t realize the disastrous consequences to the country if we don’t deal with this crisis immediately, and soberly. And not with some cockamamie scheme sketched out on a cocktail napkin.”

Quigley remains undeterred. “These fools at the university, with their economic theories and credit ratings. Last I checked, ‘AAA’ was an automobile club. And really, if I were to listen to the advice of a financial services company, about the last one I’d pick would be one called Standard & Poor’s. Talk about a business name that sounds like a joke.”

 


  • Cory

    Thanks, must have grabbed that from a different event. Fixed.