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Carnac the Magnificent Prognosticates

Ed McMahon: I hold in my hand the last envelope. As a child of four can plainly see, it has been hermetically sealed. It’s been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar under Funk and Wagnall’s porch since noon today. No one knows the contents of this envelope, but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answer having never before seen the question.

(Carnac holds the envelope to his forehead, concentrating.)

Carnac: Satish Tripathi. (He tears open the envelope, blows into it, and extracts the question. He reads.) Who is going to be named the next president of the State University of New York at Buffalo?

(Audience moans)

Carnac: May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films’ Sack of the Week!

(Laughter)