Artvoice: Buffalo's #1 Newsweekly
Home Blogs Web Features Calendar Listings Artvoice TV Real Estate Classifieds Contact

No, It Was Barzini All Along

I don’t know why I take local politics so seriously, when I’d be better off doing analysis First Amendment Club style (from today’s Buffalo Rocket):

Marc Panepinto discusses the Kavanaugh matter with Michael LoCurto as Judy Einach, Sean Ryan and Jonathan Rivera “Listen and Learn!”

Marc Panepinto discusses the Kavanaugh matter with Michael LoCurto as Judy Einach, Sean Ryan and Jonathan Rivera “Listen and Learn!”

Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli!

(The Godfather of Primary Seasons!)

This year, the Democratic Party was going about its family business when its capo, Sam Hoyt, decided to stop on Elmwood Avenue for some fruit.  While there, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of a couple of political operatives making a run at him. An ambush had been planned and they opened up on him with everything they had.

His close ally, Barbra (Fredo) Kavanaugh, had failed to protect him and by doing so endangered the entire neighborhood; leaving it vulnerable to Lord Byron Barzini.

Lord Byron had secretly struck up an alliance with Steve (the pigeon) Sollozzo, sometimes known as the Turk. The operatives failed and Marc Hagen-Panepinto, Sam’s consigliere, could be heard yelling; “They shot him 5 times and he’s still alive!”

Byron Barzini now gets a funny feeling every time he walks up the stairs to City Hall. “Who is the hunted one now?” he keeps muttering.

Sam’s second in command, Jeremy (Sonny) Toth, was furious. He now wants to take out the entire other side. It’s nothing personal he says; it’s just business.

Santino Toth now had to travel back and forth across the Grand Island bridges. He had counseled Sam to have the toll booths removed. He hated getting stuck in the toll booth traffic stating; ‘these booths tie up traffic and concentrate pollution, what I need is some ventilation.”

Shortly after, Sam recovered and blogger Joe Illuzzi went missing. Coincidentally Byron Barzini asked why he received two dead fish wrapped up in a newspaper article by Bob McCarthy.Steve Lucabrasi-Casey is actively trying to find out what the family plans now that Steve The Pigeon failed at taking out the godfather. Some say he plans to stop in at The First Amendment Club; he was told that they have some great pre-war Scotch.

It’s nice to see everyone getting along so well after these latest battles. Michael Corleone-LoCurto plans to invite Steve The Pigeon and Captain Joe Golombek-McCluskey to Santasiero’s Restaurant. It’s kind of old fashion there. If Mike remembers correctly; they used to have a pull chain toilet…

How does it end?

It ends, as it always ends; with a reading of “the Mighty Casey striking out!” at the club, while eating the Cannolies, drinking the wine and telling the mumaluca jokes!

Sammy Bacala said that it is so great at the Club; that he’ll send two free fish to who ever doesn’t agree.

* * * * * * *

Five Years before the West Side Times was founded in 1893,
the results were best quoted in the San Francisco Examiner –
June 3, 1888 by Ernest Lawrence Thayer:

“Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville — mighty Casey has struck out.”


  • Pomeroy

    “Byron Barzini now gets a funny feeling every time he walks up the stairs to City Hall. “Who is the hunted one now?” he keeps muttering.”

    Byron is now in the race of his life; if he runs around City Hall too fast he’ll turn into butter!

  • Twixt

    I’ve been to their club for City Mission fundraisers.
    Luca Casey should never go in there.
    They’ll let him in alright, the question is, “will they let him out?”

  • Mr. Bumble

    If lord Byron decides Luca Casey has to go, will he give the job to fat Clemenza?
    If Clemenza strangles him from behind; Casey will kick out the windshield of a city-owned vehicle.
    Then it’ll take citistat a year and a half to figure out what to do.

    Next time on citistat:
    Is it; “Take the Gun, Leave the Cannolies” or “Take the Cannolies , Leave the Gun” ?
    Stay Tuned!
    You’ll be amazed at what they come up with!

  • Pomeroy

    Don Brown (The Brown Don)should get rid of Luca Casey.
    He could run circles around the others if the relay stick (the machine) wasn’t made of lead.

    WNY Mindless; Where you be hyding?

  • Twixt

    Pomeroy, you’ve got it wrong.
    Byron Barzini is Aniken Skywalker.
    Luca Casey is the Emperor.

  • CityHallWatchdog

    2009: Give me Sam, give me Maria, heck give me Mickey. I will support anybody but that spineless empty suit, Lord Byron Barzini. Can anyone tell me one thing he has accomplished during his tenure? This administration is the most politically corrupt operation in the history of the city. Former Mayor Masiello had his political operative and his top policy advisor (Cavalieri and Hassett), and Masiello’s political operative did not get involve in developing public policy. With Lord Byron, we get a two-headed monster in Steve Casey. Casey sees everything through political lenses so good public policy takes a back seat to his twisted corrupt political operations.

  • The city

    Incredible.

  • Twixt

    CityHallWatchdog, you are of course absolutely correct in your statement; “Casey sees everything through political lenses so good public policy takes a back seat to his twisted corrupt political operations.”

    I wonder why they are that way?
    It is complete foolishness and now they’ve developed a new sport where the voters look forward to opposing them!
    ___________________________________________________

    How does it end?

    It ends, as it always ends; with “the Mighty Casey striking out!”

    Comment by The city, you’re correct; it is Incredible.

  • The city

    People are talking. From Speakupwny, posted by Deerhunter: Sam Hoyt will strongly support Mickey Kearns for Mayor. There may be others that will run, but Kearns is electable. The rumor that Byron might be gay surfaced a long time ago. I don’t know that it has ever been confirmed, but that may come out during a mud slinging election. Some voters might not vote for him if it is true. The Brown/Casey/Pigeon/Golisano team is a tough one to go up against. They play dirty, so I would expect the same treatment for them. It will be an interesting yr. Unless the Control Board goes into a soft mode and Brown can get some people under contract, don’t expect any ringing endorsements from labor. He talks out of both sides of his mouth when talking to us, I can vouch for that(retrieved 9/14/08.)

  • Pomeroy

    Mickey Kearns will automatically take the South, Niagara, North and Delaware Districts. Casey/Brown will take Masten, Filmore and Ellicott could buck. How Lovejoy and University fall is anyone’s guess. Mickey must know he has every advantage if he acts soon. He has got to be considering it!

    From out of the Red, White and Blue: MICKEY KEARNS ’09 !!!
    I could see the signs going up now!